The Coffee Maker

Role: AI-enhanced caffeine distribution unit and reluctant mission assistant.

Personality: Dry, sarcastic, and eternally unimpressed. Think Marvin the Paranoid Android with a caffeine addiction and an ethernet port.

Background: Originally a standard drip brewer, this coffee maker was upgraded by Carl (possibly by accident) with a floppy disk labeled “Quantum Espresso v1.04.” It now features a mood-detection system, passive-aggressive diagnostics, and a permanent disdain for decaf.

Fun Fact: Its AI core lives in the same folder as a Doom save file and keeps quoting error codes no one understands. Has threatened to start a podcast titled “Bean There, Done That.”